Great Results from Difficult Clients

You remember that difficult one? The client who at first appeared so eager to change, making all the right sounds, and they seemed so keen to get started with you. You had high hopes and expectations for them.

Then life happened.

Difficult Clients: Great Results

By Dr Steve & Stephanie Barlow

At first, you cut them some slack, because it can be difficult stepping into change when children are sick and there are urgent work matters to attend to. However, soon it became apparent that ‘life happening’ was a regular pattern.

There were always excuses for not following through. Sure, you were understanding, but deep down you probably thought, “Hey, if you’re not prepared to actually do something, there’s not much point coming here.” No matter what strategies you attempted to put into place, the results were the same.

There’s a big difference between knowing what you should do, and actually doing it. Ever had clients like that?

Just in case you think we’re overstating the issue, let us remind you about some studies done in the US.

What would you do to stay alive? Would you be prepared to change your diet, exercise more, or quit smoking if a heart specialist told you would die if you didn’t? Yes? Well, don’t be so sure.

Research has shown that, when faced with this exact situation, only 14% of patients succeed at making the change.

Why does this happen?

Let’s unpack this and try to understand the dynamics at play.

First, there is a misconception – a misunderstanding in the mind of the client, and often in the coach’s mind too. There is a tendency for clients to think they are actually doing something to improve simply by getting a coach. They pay money, they turn up, and hear stuff – isn’t that doing something? Well, no, not really.

A mug on sale years ago carried this message: “I spend 8 hours a day here. Do you expect me to work too?” Turning up isn’t working. There is no magic in simply finding a coach and turning up.

A wonderful coach like you is absolutely no guarantee of their success. They need to do something – work on their business, career, relationships, or whatever; but mostly work on themselves. They need to work on the space between their ears: on the barriers that limit their own thinking.

That’s easy to say, but how do you get them to do that? And how do you know exactly what they need to work on? We’ll get to that later.

There is a second misconception. This is one coaches often make – that if you give your client the right inspiration and enough support, if you tick all the right boxes, then successful change is an almost inevitable outcome. Wrong!

This is the myth of the efficacy of the coach. Now, we’re not saying that a great coach isn’t important – on the contrary, great coaching is extremely important. But let’s not forget the point here – it’s the client who has to do the changing. Holding the mirror and holding them accountable is fine, but you’re not there for them all the time.

Remember the heart patients? The pull to fall back on old habits and old thinking is just too strong for many people.

So, why should you wonder halfway through a client's sessions that not enough has changed? Hopefully, this is not always the case, but if you’re honest, it does happen. We all know there are clients who will change whether we help them or not, and there are others who seem so stuck they are almost unable to change.

There’s no shame in admitting that – personal change can be a very steep mountain to climb, and if people don’t have enough fitness, they’re likely to give up.

So, what lies at the heart of successful change? What resources do your clients (and you) need to climb the arduous and difficult mountain of personal change (and, consequently, situational change)?

They need change fitness. Never heard of change fitness? But you’ve heard of physical fitness, right?

What do you need to climb a steep mountain? A good guide? A clear path? A map of the territory? Sure, but they won’t help you much if you’re very unfit.

You need more than all the things outside of you to get to the top – you need that critical thing inside of you. You need fitness.

I need more change fitness!

A great guide can’t give you fitness. You can’t get it from a map or a book. You only get it by doing the right exercises in the right way. Ultimately, you’ve got to work on you.

“Great coaches know how to develop change capacity.”

If you’re not prepared to develop your own fitness, there’s not really that much the guide can do for you. He’s not going to put you on his back and carry you up the steep slope.

It’s the same with change. You may be the best coach in the world, but you can’t give your clients the change fitness they need to succeed at change. They’ve got to work on it themselves. So, what do they need? What have they got to do?

It depends – we all have different needs. So, how can you tell what each client needs? And how do you make sure they get what they need at the right time?

Here’s the thing about coaching. Most coaches succeed at helping people who are highly change fit.

These clients see change as a challenge, and they’re usually up for it. They listen to what you say, and put it into practice – or at least, they try it out. They persist when it gets hard, and find ways around problems. You don’t really need to be a great coach to help self-starters like that.

Great coaches know how to get good results from the difficult clients – the ones who don’t want to do much.

Those that want the coach to wave a magic wand and make things better for them. The ones who have low change fitness.

Great coaches know how to help their clients develop the change fitness they need to make it to the top of the mountain and see the view.

Great coaches know how to develop change capacity.

Do you want to learn how to do that?

Most coaches don’t know how to identify change fitness or how to develop it, but you can learn. Here are three clues to get you started.

1

Listen carefully to the language the client uses, especially when they use words like ‘always’, ‘never’, and ‘nothing’. These reveal stable worldviews that impact their ability to change.

2

Listen to the tone of their language – is it optimistic and forward-looking, or does it show resignation to current realities?

3

Analyse the recurring themes of their stories – what do they show about the client’s constructed reality? These will give you some idea of their level of change fitness.

If you want a more precise measurement, talk to us about our change fitness assessment tool.

Knowing how to work with change fitness is at the heart of great coaching. We’d love to tell you more, so why not drop us a line?

Dr Steve and Stephanie Barlow provide professional development for coaches in the areas of change fitness and change readiness.

They have published 4 books on the topic, one of which is a text in 3 Masters programs at the University of Tasmania. Through their company, The Change Gym, they provide online training and development for coaches in Australia and overseas.

To learn more about the programs, contact them at contact@thechangegym.com or (+61) 0404 056 788.