Destination

DESTINATION

YOU

By Renee Slansky

When we think of the word ‘destination’, we rarely assume that it personifies the present, let alone a person. Most of the time we associate the term with reaching something in the future; a journey to an imminent goal.

As coaches, it’s our job to mould and shape someone’s potential into a new reality for them. We learn to not only free them of the past but also guide them towards a better future that represents the version or existence they want to ideally achieve.

We help them unlock their capacity and reach their ultimate destination: the best version of themselves.

Yet somewhere along the way, in between dealing with past baggage and forthcoming ambitions, we lose the power of the present and what it actually signifies.

We teach them that the past is something to let go of, whilst the future is the prize to run towards, simply because it represents confirmation of the transformation they yearn for.

And yet, through the somewhat confronting process of being transformed by their coaches, our clients seem to only endure the present instead of learning to thrive in it.

It becomes a battlefield where struggles are turned into strengths and problems into solutions. A process that can cause both pain and elation; but viewed only as a pit stop along the way.

When Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power Of Now was published, it brought about a thought that had seeped into the unconscious part of our brain, back to light again. The thought that we have only today and that the present is also a destination.

However, because the present itself is forever coming and going, the ‘present’ destination does not so much become a description of time or a place, but rather about the relationship you have with yourself.

As a dating and relationship coach who educates both public and coaches, I often see the struggle of people coming to terms of learning to love themselves for where they are at, whilst heading towards where they want to be.

The truth is, our clients will never be able to reach their full level of ultimate success and happiness if they have not also learnt to accept themselves through the journey each and every day.

It’s assumed that the future version of them is what will bring them fulfilment, when in reality, it’s the relationship they have with themselves that will determine their success.The way in which they love and value themselves is the basis from which they make all their decisions. Their decisions are what shapes their life and controls their progress.

We can set our clients goals and practical strategies that aim to give them a step by step guide to building a better outlook, but if they have not learnt to embrace who they are in the present or acknowledge who they were in the past, then they have no reference of who they can be in the future.

We live in a fast-paced disposable society with evolving technology designed to make our life easier. Therefore, we assume that if we aren’t progressing at the rate that represents less effort, then we think we are failing.

It’s hard not to become future-focused with our clients, when we ourselves are leaders who are driven by growth and progression. As coaches, we know the importance of tapping into our potential and can be disillusioned as to the level of significance of who we are in the present.

Coaches and thought leaders have become used to obtaining future destinations so quickly that they can lose touch with what a destination should actually represent.

‘Destination’ should not be limited by someone’s level of progression, time or place, but rather, be seen as a feeling that characterises a person being at peace within themselves at any point of time.

The truth is, we never fully arrive. There is something always better and bigger to achieve after we have reached the things we were working towards. When our clients have reached one level of achievement, they already have a thirst for expanding their capacity even further, simply because they now understand how a changed mentality can change their level of life lived.

So, a new goal is created, a new destination, a higher level of possibilities to aim towards. And it’s almost as if the succession of completing their first objective has already cast it into the shadow of what the new target can now be.

But where does it stop? At what point do we ever feel like we have arrived and are no longer in search of something more? How do we quench the thirst of our clients whom we first let drink from the cup?

I believe that the focus has to be shifted back to self, and by that, I mean learning to see yourself as the ultimate destination. When we can teach our clients to see themselves through eyes of grace and not perfection, we give them the key to being able to sustain their happiness and not make it circumstantial.

We give them to ability to embrace the power of living in the present instead of dwelling on the past or striving for the future. Happiness is ultimately what our clients want. They want to know that who they are is enough and that their life is not hindered by their inability to believe in themselves or lack of knowledge on how to make it better. They yearn to feel a sense of accomplishment and belonging simultaneously

Renee Slansky is an Australian TV presenter, writer, professional blogger and dating and relationship coach, whose purpose and heart for women compelled her to educate people on how to find, build and cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Her own blog www.thedatingdirectory.co is now the number 1 dating and relationship blog in Australia.

Renee contributes advice regularly to some of the biggest online dating sites and publications globally including The Huffington Post, E Harmony, Plenty of Fish, Your Tango, MamaMia, The Good Men Project, The Love Destination and Yahoo 7.

As a professional coach, Renee has built an online programme for women and mentors both men and women around the world. She is often called to comment as an expert for on the radio and Channel 7’s The Morning Show and Sunrise and speaks at events. Her mission to bring about love education into schools and change a generation.

Whether you are a breakthrough, business, dating, physical or life coach, it makes no difference to the common purpose we all share; to develop our clients in such a way that they obtain BOTH peace and progress continuously.

That the battles they face are not in vain and that the way in which they value themselves actually represents their true worth.

It’s always been my mission to not only encourage and educate my clients to becoming the best version of themselves, but to also learn to love the journey and accept themselves as the destination.